I'm having a "moment" here. Bear with me.

It's been a really long day. Work is starting to get busier (it's busy season for me from September-May), I'm still in school two whole nights a week; I have a husband and two cats to chase after. I don't think I've ever felt this tired in a very long time.

I was sitting in spin class today, pedaling and sweating away, wishing I could just get off the bike and go home without being noticed. Before I even realized it, this thought popped in my head: "Why the heck are you on this stupid spin bike. It won't help anything. It won't get you to your goal any faster. You're just wasting your time in the gym, again." Honestly, I haven't had a thought like that for awhile. It kind of took me by surprise.

And at this point, for the first time, I really don't know how to deal with that thought. It's not like I'm going to fall off the "wagon" and go crazy and eat cheeseburgers until every one of the 90 lbs. I've lost has made its way back to my thighs. No, that's not going to happen. There's no second thoughts about that.

I guess, looking back, I've had doubtful thoughts, but I've just pushed them aside and ignored them, where they eventually went away. I think I can probably attribute that thought to the fact that I'm tired, the weather here in Iowa has been crappy today, I've had a stressful day at work (my bosses' kids were sick, so I got to do her work and mine, which is fine, but still stressful), I think sometimes just circumstances can take a toll on me and my goals. Sometimes you just feel like going home, going to bed and not doing anything. Today was one of those days.

It's going to happen again and again throughout the course of my weight loss and soon maintenance journey. I think I'm going to try to take today as a learning experience and learn to better deal with my thoughts. My actions were good and I'm proud of that. (I went to the gym anyway) But dealing with thoughts can be a whole other animal.

Here's to a better day tommorow. :)

This girl fights for what she wants.

A little over two years ago I decided that I would try to lose weight at the urging of my doctor. I decided that it was time for me to get healthy. I didn't look back, and I don't plan on ever doing so. I've had to fight for the last two years, making the choices that are better for my health, rather than sometimes, what I wanted to do. I eat healthy instead of eating cake and cheeseburgers. I lift weights and run on the treadmill because I want to finish losing the weight but more, I want to be healthy and strong. It's what I want, what I've always wanted. I've fought tooth and nail, kicking and screaming to be able to get where I am today. I've learned new habits and I'm sticking with them.

However, I'm now having trouble with overcoming a fitness goal. I went to meet with my new trainer today to measure my body fat. It's at 30%. About 5% higher than the highest it should be. Since it's been such a long time since I've worked out with a trainer (at least a month) I figured that all the work I had been doing would pay off. It didn't. I'm exactly where I left off. EXACTLY. And lemme tell ya, that fact is pissing. me. off. I didn't do all that work for nothing. I don't like to feel like I'm wasting my time.

So here's my plan. I'm going to start going to the gym on Friday night, to get five FULL days completed in the gym, instead of just 4. (Whine whine whine whine!<-----That's me whining about going to the gym on Friday nights. WAAA!) I'm going to try to supplement with some whey protein to see if that helps. That's it. That's my plan. I usually work really hard at the gym, and have started running a lot more, but obviously, that's not getting me anywhere, and like I said, I'm not about to waste my time.

I've always been a driven person-I go after what I want (unless it's unatainable, of course) and work, until I get it. I'm not going to let a little body fat stop me now.

-Hope

What was lost has been found.

Have you ever found an old picture of yourself, you know the one. Before you lost any weight that made you cringe like you've never cringed before? I've finally found mine.

When I was overweight, technically obese, I made sure that people took as little pictures of me as possible. I didn't want my parents, friends or other family taking any pictures of me, and if they did end up snapping one of me, I was incredibly PISSED off. I hated looking at myself.

Because of all of that, it's been hard for me to find a picture of my former self, but what was lost has now been found. Behold my former self:



It's so hard for me to look at. But really, and we all know this, pictures like this are a harsh reminder of where we used to be. This, for me, is the harshest reminder of where I was, and how far I've come. No matter how sideways I turned, I didn't look any thinner.

Truly, more than anything, pictures like this make me grateful to myself that I finally woke up, and did something good for myself.

What about you? What picture(s) remind you of how far you've come? What do they teach you?

Fan of Glamour Magazine?

I am. Here's a little article that I thought was great, and it's nice to see women with bodily imperfections shown. To me, it doesn't matter their size, size 0 or 24, it's just nice to see something but perfection.

That's all, I'm at work!

http://lifestyle.msn.com/your-life/just-dreaming/articleglamour.aspx?cp-documentid=21997158&gt1=32002

Have a great day!

-Hope

I can relate...

So, watching Biggest Loser tonight, contestant Sean said something that rang true for me. During the challenge (it involved cupcakes) he said instead of eating the cupcake "I want to take that cupcake and rub it all over my body." I can relate, Sean, I can relate. :D

Weekend Recap

Hi all! Tomorrow's Monday again, which means back to work and school for me. I had a fabulous weekend!

Friday night after work, I went to have dinner with my friend Alicia and her friend Julie at a local Mexican restaurant. I didn't probably make the absolute best choices there, but I had been virtuous, and I mean VIRTUOUS the rest of the day, and I kept my portions small, so that was fun. We then went to her house to hang out and have an adult beverage and to chat. (Mikes Light Cranberry anyone? I don't like my alcohol to taste to "alcoholy.")

Saturday morning I woke up, and went to the new Pappajohn Sculpture Garden in downtown Des Moines to take some pictures. Now, really, I don't take very many pictures. But I did take a digital photography class not that long ago, and it was really enlightening, so sometimes, and very randomly, I get the urge just to go and take pictures. I blame my professor.

Here are a few of the best ones that I took:

So that was fun. I came back all muddy and my feet got soaked, so good thing I wore my flip-flops. After I transferred all the pictures to my computer, I had to quickly get to my yoga class, which is fun, as always.

In the evening, I got to hang out with my oldest and dearest friend Mary. We hung out and she cooked me dinner. She's one of the best cooks that I know. She's actually lost a bunch of weight too (I think 65 lbs. to be specific) so she always cooks really delicious, healthy food. It's always fun to hang with her!

She's has the cutest aprons that she cooks in too!

On Sunday, I went to church, did some homework, and went to my WW meeting for the first time in weeks. I forgot how much I missed them.

I'm actually thinking about how I can help lead a meeting for a little extra cash. But I'm only thinking about it, I haven't decided yet. Anyways, that's about all I did this weekend! Hope everyone else had a good weekend too!

Hope

Hope the Gym Rat

(Hey all! It's Friday! Woo-hoo! Any exciting weekend plans?)

Even since I joined the huge gym in town in May, I've been known to spend some significant time there. I've even had people, aka my friends, go so far as to say I've turned into a bit of a gym rat. And really, it sounds weird to say this, but I kind of have.

Now, don't get me wrong, it's not like I really enjoy my time there. I don't. For the most part. (I enjoy my spinning class on Sunday, and that's about it) It's just become a part of life for me. I actually don't think that I technically qualify for the title of gym rat, because it's not like I'm there 24/7. I'm there 4-5 days a week, for about 30-60 minutes each time. I go, I workout, then I go home.

But, I've to to tell ya, working out does kind of have a hold on me. For two main reasons: 1) When I work out regularly, I feel so much better about myself, and I look so much better. 2) I love the sense of accomplishment that comes from a good workout. Being a young person, still in college, and working towards so many other things in life, it brings that kind of instant gratification that I've accomplished something great for myself. I think THAT feeling is the one I'm actually hooked on.

I know, nothing groundbreaking here, I just felt like blogging about it.

Anyways, I'm off. Going to go see some movies and hang with the hubs and some other friends this weekend! Have a good one!

Hope